{"id":22067,"date":"2025-11-03T05:16:05","date_gmt":"2025-11-03T05:16:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/budgetadirect.com\/?p=22067"},"modified":"2025-11-03T05:16:08","modified_gmt":"2025-11-03T05:16:08","slug":"what-women-learned-asking-for-raises","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/budgetadirect.com\/?p=22067","title":{"rendered":"What Women Learned Asking for Raises"},"content":{"rendered":"
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When Jessye Kass Karlin asked for a raise, she didn\u2019t just need one person to say \u201cyes.\u201d She needed eight.\u00a0<\/p>\n

A director of programs at a women\u2019s shelter in Cambridge, Massachusetts, Karlin was in her mid-twenties, making around $60,000 per year. She sought a $20,000 salary increase and a new title: executive director. \u201cI sort of had that role already but didn\u2019t have the title or pay to honor the work that I was doing,\u201d she tells me.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Karlin felt she was doing everything right, and then some. Before, the shelter had no formalized volunteer prep, so she created trainings focused on de-escalation tactics and dealing with trauma, as well as an official eight-hour onboarding process. During her tenure, Karlin also increased volunteer retention by almost 80 percent and boosted the shelter\u2019s revenue.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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When it came time to ask the board for a raise, she came prepared with documents and a presentation that detailed everything she had accomplished. To get the promotion, she needed unanimous approval from all eight board members \u2013 only six gave the green light. They said she could change her job title, but they didn\u2019t offer her more money.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was frustrating,\u201d Karlin says. \u201cMy impact felt so clear\u2026. I did all the things I was supposed to do and exceeded expectations.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Asking for a raise can be uncomfortable for anyone, but it\u2019s a pain acutely felt by working women. Only 36 percent of women say they feel comfortable asking for a raise, according to a recent survey from Glassdoor. That number is higher among men, at 44 percent.\u00a0<\/p>\n

That doesn\u2019t mean they aren\u2019t asking. A study from the Academy of Management found that over the past two decades, women are negotiating their salaries more often, not less, than men.\u00a0 Still, women are earning less: Bankrate\u2019s analysis of the latest U.S. Census data found that women earned 81 cents for every dollar men did. Plus, women are more likely to have been unsuccessful in negotiating a raise compared to men, Bankrate\u2019s Financial Habits Survey found.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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\n Most working women won’t see equal pay before they retire, Bankrate analysis finds
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\n Here\u2019s exactly why it\u2019s taking so long. Read more.<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

Three months later, Karlin went in front of the board again, this time with more evidence in her arsenal: \u201cI didn\u2019t threaten to leave, but I did say \u2018I want this to be reconsidered.\u2019\u201d Her second ask persuaded the two holdout board members.\u00a0<\/p>\n

For Karlin, what stood out was how much she felt she needed to plead her case, despite having already been working the job without the higher pay and different title for some time. Now in her thirties, Karlin runs her own talent consultancy agency, and she uses her experience to help younger women push through discomfort and craft their pitch. \u201cWe still often don\u2019t get the permission to be proud of ourselves and advocate for the impacts that we\u2019ve had,\u201d she tells me.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I spoke to two other women who asked for a raise to hear how they prepared, how it went \u2014 and what they learned.<\/p>\n

One woman tried to negotiate her salary. She lost the offer<\/h2>\n

For Thalia Shehan, asking for more money resulted in a rescinded job offer.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The former IT professional and Detroit resident had been looking to break into the field of robotics. With more than two decades of IT experience on her resume, robotics seemed like a natural fit for Shehan, as she\u2019d always been inclined to learn how things work.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cMy motto is I break things to figure out how to fix them; I take them apart, figure out how they work and then I put them back together,\u201d she tells Bankrate.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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By many measures, Shehan excelled in her new field. She was top of the class in her robotics and programmable logic controller course, where she would step in to help her fellow students with their projects when their instructor wasn\u2019t available. <\/p>\n

During her coursework, Shehan was encouraged to get Smart Automation Certification Alliance (SACA) certifications to make her a more competitive job candidate. The recommended number was 13, but she graduated with 28.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Afterward, Shehan was offered a travel position as an automation engineer. She ran the offer by her job coach, who thought the compensation looked low compared to the industry standard. Shehan expressed gratitude for the offer and asked if there was room to discuss the salary. Shehan said she felt qualified for the entry-level position, but wanted the pay to reflect the added expectation that she\u2019d be on the road much of the time.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was going to require around 60 percent travel and disrupt my life a lot,\u201d Shehan says. \u201cIf I\u2019m going to do that, I need to make enough money to make it worthwhile.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

Shehan responded to the offer email with a pitch for more compensation.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI gave them a bunch of different options,\u201d Shehan says. \u201cI said I\u2019d be interested in maybe doing a review after 90 days or continuing education.\u201d The company emailed back, rescinding her offer letter.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Shehan followed up asking to be reconsidered at the original offer terms, but the company never responded. \u201cIt felt like a betrayal,\u201d Shehan says. \u201cI felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

Since, Shehan has redoubled her job search efforts and is focusing on expanding her professional network. Although it didn\u2019t work out in her favor, she says the experience hasn\u2019t dissuaded her from negotiating her salary in the future. \u201cI feel like you\u2019re just leaving money on the table if you don\u2019t ask,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

And she\u2019s right. Over the course of a 40-year career, women stand to lose an average of $585,000 in compensation due to the gender pay gap, according to Bankrate\u2019s calculations. <\/p>\n

One woman simply wanted her fair share of the pie<\/h2>\n

In Sabrina Fabbri\u2019s case, she didn\u2019t just ask for a raise, she had to fight for one. A 28-year-old medical device sales representative for spinal surgical screws, Fabbri spends her days in scrubs alongside neurosurgeons in the operating room. \u201cIt\u2019s definitely a boys club,\u201d she says.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Fabbri and her male co-worker are compensated on a split commission basis: 30 percent of the territory\u2019s commission went to her and 70 percent went to him. The split was mostly based on seniority; Fabbri\u2019s co-worker had worked there longer, and helped establish much of the San Francisco Bay Area sales territory. When their contracts were up for renegotiation, Fabbri wanted a 50 percent slice of the pie.<\/p>\n

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She went to her manager, prepared with a list of her accomplishments and ideas of how to grow the business. Fabbri\u2019s work also spoke for itself: Ahead of the contract renegotiations, some of her surgeons and upper management advocated on her behalf for a raise. \u201c[It] was not me telling them to do that,\u201d Fabbri shared with me. \u201cThey did that independently.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

She insists she wasn\u2019t putting anyone down to lift herself up. Rather, she knew she could pursue other options and wasn\u2019t afraid to relay that to her boss. \u201cI basically threw a bottom line and told them, if it wasn\u2019t 50 percent I would not be staying with the company.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Fabbri got the raise, but it came at a cost. Since the pay restructuring, she and her male co-worker split their territory\u2019s commission equally, but she\u2019s noticed a steep decline in his communications with her. Communication, according to Fabbri, is essential to their jobs; they need to be on the same page in terms of who can cover which surgeries and who will be on call over the weekends. \u201cI don\u2019t know if it\u2019s directly related to this pay structure, but the timing does seem a little suspicious.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

Where do women go from here?\u00a0<\/h2>\n

For now, the pay gap persists and will likely stick around. Bankrate\u2019s analysis of U.S. Census Bureau data found that women and men won\u2019t reach pay parity until 2059 \u2014 33 years from now. It\u2019s not just a statistic; for women in the workforce, the gender wage gap is a reality they face every time they clock in. Although asking for more didn\u2019t work out for all three women I spoke to, when I asked if they regretted it, not a single one said they did.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But your paycheck doesn\u2019t need to be your only source of income. My colleague, Hanna Horvath, certified financial planner, shares her top five strategies on how women can out-invest the pay gap to level the playing field. Men might continue to make more in the office, but investing could very well be a woman\u2019s game.<\/p>\n

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\n We don\u2019t want this to be our last word on the gender wage gap. If you have a story to share, I\u2019d love to hear from you. Connect with me via email at ntodoroff@bankrate.com.<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n
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